Diaries of an Uncertain Man. 2...

26^th May 2565 AD Earth Time

It was the strangest moment anyone can ever experience. What was strange about it was not seeing my self dead. Even if I saw myself dancing it would have still felt weird, even weirder than seeing myself dead. What was unexplainable about this moment was that I can see myself. How can any one be able to see himself as if he is seeing someone else? I am supposed to be Faried Gaweesh. How can I still be Faried Gaweesh if I did see him right in front of me? I must be someone else. No matter how everyone including my wife treated me as if I was Faried, I am not him. Faried Gaweesh is dead. That's simply it. No one can ever convince me otherwise.

But, why am I so stubborn like this? Why Can't I be Faried? I feel like Faried. I have all of his memories. I think in the exact same manner like him. What I am doing right now is the same thing he was used to do whenever he faced a problem that seems unsolvable. I miss Maryem in the same way that her husband could have missed her. I was happy with seeing my parents in the same way that their son would have been. I know Faried's secrets more than any one in the universe. I know his fears, his hopes and his dreams. I am even lost right now in the same way that Faried would have been lost if he was in my place. Yeah, I did see Faried in front of me for a moment, but what is the big deal with that? After all every one keeps telling me that I am him. Why is it so hard for me to accept what I feel inside? I feel that I am Faried Gaweesh.

What determines the identity of any one? Is it his body? Why would it be? The cells forming our bodies change regularly. The organic body of any human being keeps changing all the time. Changing would be improper description of what happens to the human body. A more appropriate term would be substitution. Most of the cells of our organic bodies get substituted by time. Our bodies keep changing structurally and morphologically as we grow. So, even if the process of resurrection involved a substitution of the organic body with a Mecha-body this would not create a challenge for the identity of the human being.

If it is not the body that determines the identity of a human being, then what is it? Is it the soul? Dose any one still use this term after all? Back in history, people conceived soul to be related to vitality. With scientific discoveries, vitality was reduced to biological reactions, which were further reduced into chemical reactions, and those chemical reactions were then reduced to the physical laws governing the universe. Vitality was shown not to be any different from what goes on in the entire universe. The boundary between vitality and non vitality was proven to be illusory. Later, people identified soul with consciousness. Consciousness was and still is the most fascinating phenomenon for humans. Even though, consciousness is so unique, science managed to provide an explanation for it. In the beginning of the 21^st century scientists such as Cristof Koch attempted to locate what was called the NCC or the neuronal correlates of consciousness. By the end of the 21^st century science successfully located the seat of consciousness within the human brain. Dualism about human consciousness was rejected long before and with successful location of the NCC, monism became unchallengeable. Consciousness was proven to be a mere property that arises from a particular complexity of matter. Just like electricity rises from the movement of electrons, heat arises from the movement of molecules, consciousness arise as well from the function of the unique aggregation of neurons.  

In the beginning of the 23^rd century, scientist identified how neurons and the synaptic connections between them store memories, information and concepts. That was what led to the resurrection technology. A resurrection replica is formed of a mechanical body which is made identical to the individual intending to undergo resurrection. However, the only organic part of this body is the brain. They would grow an organic brain out of the genetic code of the individual with the use of the stem cell technology, motivate its growth with growth enhancers, encode its neurons in the same manner that the brain of the individual is encoded, and finally implant it into the Mecha-body. Since consciousness inevitably arises from brain functions, this replica would be necessarily conscious. I didn't believe that such replica would be conscious till I was resurrected. I am conscious as ever. Nothing changed. Then, it can't be the consciousness itself which determines the identity of a human being.  If consciousness is nothing but a product of the human body, then there is nothing left to explain soul. Accordingly, soul can't be what identifies us.

Maybe it is still the body which makes the source of our identity. Even if our bodies keep changing continuously, the temporal and spatial continuity of the unity of this body might be what identifies us. After all, what makes me so reluctant to take myself to be Faried Gawessh is that there is no physical continuity between both of us. We are two separate bodies which have never shared the same temporal and spatial existence. I think this might be the cause why it is so difficult for me to accept the idea that I am Faried Gaweesh. However, this claim is still defeatable. I can argue against this claim through the following example. Let's think of someone who committed a murder. This murder was not caught. If this man lost his memory, and lived for long years after this murder, and during those years he managed to become a good citizen, would we still punish him or consider him to be a whole new man who can be allowed a new beginning. This man continued to have the same existing body. However, it seems that we can take his identity to change independent from his body.

I am realizing now that what identifies a human being is the coagulum of his memories, his personal traits and mental abilities, his perspectives, what he experienced and what he learned. This coagulum is what is so unique in each one of us. It is what makes me myself. I am now certain that I am Faried Gaweesh. I have experienced the world from unique perspectives. I have made mistakes and I have learned from it in a unique way. I am the net result of Faried's life and I am thankful to have the chance to go on growing and experiencing this life in a way that no one else can but Faried Gaweesh.                 

Diaries of an Uncertain Man

24th May 2565 AD Earth Time




I don't know who I am. It is the first time since my resurrection that I set down and write about my thoughts. I needed to do this since along time ago. Writing has always helped me to arrange my thoughts and solve my problems in my pre-resurrection organic life. I wonder if it can help me now. The first step to solve any problem is to determine the problem as precise as possible. So, what is my problem? Why do I feel that lost? It is all because of my resurrection. I have always felt weird about it even before it happened. I delayed it as much as possible. In 2435 I was diagnosed with lung cancer. Clearly, this was not a surprise. Since my birth, my genetic profile has indicated high potentiality of lung Cancer after the age of 60. Thanks to my heavy smoking habit, it was inevitable. I have always known that. Maryem, Nouran, Haytham, and all my friends told me to undergo resurrection as soon as I was diagnosed. They thought it is unnecessary to pay extra money for cancer treatment as long as resurrection will be done sooner or later. However, I thought it was better to enjoy the more familiar organic life as long as it is possible. So, I had my cancer treated. Since then I continued to manage any other health problem with the traditional organo-medical ways. I replaced my heart, my liver, my eyes, and most of my digestive system. All those replacements cost me a fortune, but I have never regretted making them as long as I continued to exist in the all old way of flesh and blood. However, by the age of 80, I had to make the decision. My genetic profile revealed the high possibility of brain deterioration by the age of 75. Maryem has always reminded of this. I resisted her wish to undergo resurrection before the age of 70. However, by the age of 80, I was not able to mask the signs of brain deterioration any more. "Do it for me, before it is too late" she has always said to me. So, I did it.



I still remember the day I went to the "Ever After" institution to download my brain data. The strangest moment in that day was when I first saw my Mecha-body. Maryem was so happy with it. I remember her saying delightfully that she can't wait to make love to this handsome guy. It was an exact replica of me in my twenties. It looked young, strong, but above all it looked eternal. However, I couldn’t resist this feeling that this body standing in front of me was not me. How could it be me when it is standing there staring challengingly right into my face. I remember telling myself that if this body could talk it would say "go ahead old man, I can't wait to replace you." Eng. Suleiman Morad, my resurrection manager, told me then that it is normal to feel strange about the whole thing, but he told me I won't feel that strange when my Mecha-Body is activated. No matter what he could say to me, I returned back home that day feeling that I have just signed my death certificate.



The other day that I can never forget was the day of the resurrection ceremony. It was seven days after seeing my replica. I sat down on what they called the eternity throne right in the middle of a wide circular hall. My throne was floating in the air, about four meters above the floor. There was another throne right in front of me. On it, he was there staring at me with the same challenging look. Almost all my relatives, friends and colleagues were sitting along the sides of the resurrection hall. Each one of them was holding a fancy gift, gifts which will be given to this man who is supposed to become me after few moments. Maryem, my son, and my daughter were sitting in the first row to my right. They were happily looking at me and my replica, anticipating the beginning of my eternal life. Beneath our thrones, a circle of about 20 meters diameter was left empty except for a cloud of white fumes. On the walls, there were holographic pictures of the most important moments in my past life. In one of those pictures I was celebrating my graduation. In another I was standing by Maryem in our wedding day. There were lots of pictures of me and Maryem with Haytham and Nouran in different stages of their life. I looked at those pictures, remembering how I felt happy in all of those moments. I couldn’t help myself wondering if I will ever get to feel this happy ever again. The ceiling was made of a massive glass dome revealing the sunny sky behind it. The sky was beautiful that day, so peaceful and more eternal than anything could ever be. Far on the wall in front of me there was a wide holographic TV screen. I was waiting for them to play the movie that I felt might be the only thing that would reassure me in this acquared situation. A recorded movie was played on this screen of my mother and father smiling on me and encouraging me to start what they called my trip to eternity. They looked young, healthy and strong. They have undergone resurrection since twenty years ago before my own resurrection. They have recorded this message just one day after their own resurrection. I haven't seen them since that day. They are supposed to be yet on their way to planet Aquarius. By the time they played that video, it was supposed to still take them about 80 years to reach there. Thanks to the international laws of resurrection, I, just like all Mecha-Humans, was legally bounded to migrate to Aquarius soon after resurrection. I guess the only thing that made me feel good about resurrection was that I was going to see them soon. My Mother looked at me right in the eyes and said with a smile on her lips "don't hesitate to take the bill; I can't wait to see you again dear". I looked on the bill lying in another floating plate beneath my right hand. That bill was supposed to end the life of my organic life painlessly while inducing a euphoric and an amnesic state as well. Once my organic body is put to rest, the vitality sensors in my throne would send an activation signal to my Mecha-body. I took the bill out of the plate. I raised it to my eyes. I stared at it, and then I stared at my Mecha-body. I looked at my wife, my son and my daughter. I thought it is not a big deal if all of this is nothing but the creation of a soul-less image of me that will soon be thrown into space. As long as this is going to make those people, whom I have cared for the most, happy, then I will do it. I viewed the pictures on the walls for one last time. I, then looked right on the smiley face of my mother on the TV Screen, and while I was staring at her loving eyes I swallowed the bill. In a minute, I felt enormously happy. I think it was the bill causing me this euphoria. This was my last memory in my organic body. The very next thing I can remember was myself staring at an old dead man sitting on a floating throne. That man was me.

To Be Continued...