Showing posts with label Problem Solving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Problem Solving. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Happiness Project: Ego Program


Today I will write about happiness. I will not waste your times with clichés about it. You know that happiness is what we all are seeking. Defining happiness, just like any other complex concept, is not an easy thing to do. Again, like all other complex concepts, the easiest way to define it might be through answering the question "how can I become happy?". Answering this question won't only help us to define happiness but it would help you define your identity, your ethical base, and the ultimate goal of your life.

Achieving happiness is done through performing activities. Those activities can be classified into two main categories. First there is that category of activities you have to do avoid pain, depression and sorrow. The second category of activities include those activities which should be done to achieve happiness in the positive way of bringing it rather than just avoiding what would prevent it.

Those activities are so numerous. They literally involve most if not all of your life activities. To discuss them, it is best to consider what I would like to call "the happiness project". I know that introducing artificial terms like "the happiness project" might feel confusing, but I think it would be greatly helpful in considering the issue at hands. I would further like to divide this happiness project into two main programs. First there is "the Ego program" and on the other hand there is "the Transcendence program".

So, what are those two programs all about? The Ego program has two main tasks; first it is supposed to help you solve problems that might hinder happiness. Secondly, it is supposed to help you satisfy your basic psychological needs. Regarding the first task; problems can be classified into the following; there are those problems related to the deteriorating nature of the universe. "The deteriorating nature of the universe" might seem like a complex notion, but it is much simpler than you think. Everything in the universe happens in a way that increases entropy. In other words, everything in the universe deteriorates. This is the most well establishes fact about our universe. Every thing gets old, decomposed or lost. In clearer terms; one day you will die, the people you love will pass away, your belongings might persist longer than you but one day they will be gone as well. It seems like a big problem, isn't it? Any way, this is not the only problem you might face. There are those problem imposed upon you by the social construction we are involved in. the clearest example of this category of problem is financial problems, career problems and legal problems. The third and the final category of problems you might encounter is that of the problems related to the limitations of your own physical and mental abilities. Clearly, you might get disappointed because of the failure of your performance to meet your expectations. Most of those problems can't be radically resolved. However, you can get your way around them. It is the task of the Ego program to determine whether you can get your way through those problems or not. Those problems which are so subtle and which exceed your intellectual capacity to deal with shouldn't be considered within the scope of the Ego program. So, what about what might be considered as solvable problems? This leads me into discussing the main feature of the Ego program. The Ego program is based on reasonable systematic factual thinking. The problem you might encounter can't be considered solvable except if it can be managed through this way of thinking. You must be able to specify the problem clearly and determine the steps you have to take to solve it. Your thinking must be clear, well organized and focused to do this adequately. If you are overwhelmed by the problem, this won't the right time to move to solve the problem. There are certain states at which you should not activate the life program. Those states are those of exhaustion and depression. When you are experiencing those states, this isn't the right time to activate the Ego program. It would be the time to activate the transcendence program as I will argue later. I will not go into the details of the ways you might solve problems. Problems we all encounter are endless and they differ from one person to the other. The general guidelines I can state are the following; problems can only be managed through clear, emotion free, articulate thinking, don't consider problems when you are depressed or exhausted, first determine whether your problem is solvable or not, if it is solvable, think about the practical steps you have to take to deal with it through on reasonable systematic factual thinking. Other specifics of solving problems are left to your intellectual abilities.

Now, I will come to the second task of the Ego program which is to satisfy your psychological needs. Psychologists argue that you have five basic categories of psychological needs; biological needs which include eating, drinking, and having sex, security needs, attachment needs, self esteem needs, and finally self actualization needs. I will not consider the first three categories of needs here. After all, our shared culture is supposed to provide you with the norms needed to guide you through satisfying those needs. I might have some remarks about such norms but I will consider that later. What I am more concerned with right now are the self esteem needs and the self actualization needs. First, I will consider self esteem needs. Psychologists have traditionally defined those needs by appeal to social factors. They have argued that you would gain self esteem if you were recognized positively by the society. However, I don't like such a collectivist definition. I would prefer to seek a more individualistic definition. You are equipped by nature with a positive feed back mechanism that would inform you about your most significant abilities. Social recognition might be a useful guide but it is not your sole guide or even the most important one in helping you to identify your most remarkable abilities. You can know your most important abilities by your own self. Once you have recognized those abilities, you would satisfy your self esteem needs. It is not just a motivational claim that you must be having an ability which would satisfy your needs of self esteem. If you are a human being, you must be having them. You might not only recognize them but they are there. To help you identify such abilities, I would like to attract your attention to the fact that such ability would be the result of your personality traits, the level and nature of your physical and mental abilities, and the environmental factors that affected your maturation. It might be a difficult task to determine such abilities, but this should be your main concern till you determine them. Try making a list of the activities you would like to do. Try doing them. Don't care about what would people say in the beginning. As I have argued before, you have what you need to determine by yourself whether this ability is what would make you like yourself or not. Again, the search for those abilities can only be done through reasonable systematic factual thinking.

What about self actualization needs? I can define this set of needs by arguing that it is achieved through following a plan which would allow you to reach the maximum potential of your remarkable abilities. Self actualization is not achieved by the strict achievement of your maximum potential. You might never reach such a maximum potential. Sky is the limit when it comes to the potentials of your performance. I think this is why some argue that man is always running after a moving goal. This is what led some thinkers to argue that man can never become happy enough. However, as I have argued what is required is not to achieve your maximum potential but what is required is to follow a well established plan to realize them. Psychologists have argued that in the late adulthood of your life, you have to achieve what they have called generitivity to be psychologically stable. In simpler words, when get old, you should be able to look at your past life and find that you have accomplished something. They have argued that one of the best ways to deal with the problem of approaching the end of your life is to be able to frame your past life as if it was a valuable portrait. However, I think that following you dream would definitely lead into great achievements in life, even if it doesn't rise up to you expectations. Even if you haven't achieved much, I think the portrait of a man trying to achieve something is still valuable enough. There is a further point which I would like to add here. Determining the maximum potential of your abilities and making a successful plan for doing so can only be established again through reasonable systematic factual thinking.

Those are the main tasks of the Ego program. I still have to mention some important practical points about the Ego program. I need to further remind you that the Ego program alone is not enough to achieve happiness. The Transcendence program might even be more important. However, that's enough for today. I will write more about this issue later.                

Friday, March 19, 2010

Let's Talk About Love

Today, I am writing about love. Love is a complex issue. There are lots of other notions which are intermingled with our conception of love like attraction, sex, sharing, having an eternal relationship. This mix might make it difficult for us to comprehend love. Today, I will try to dismantle this miss. I think this is necessary to appreciate love properly and to manage our relationship more successfully. Love is a phenomenal experience that we some times encounter when we deal with other persons. One of our most important psychological needs is bonding. We need to bond with other human beings. We need to surround ourselves with friends and family members. This is a goal in itself. It is not a mean to reach higher goals. Bonding with other people might provide you with lots of other benefits like sharing, support, recognition and appreciation. But even if you don't need people for any of those things, you still need people in your life. Bonding with other people doesn't have to satisfy any further purposes to be justified. It is a purpose in itself. Our tendency to bond with other people might be explained on evolutionary basis by the fact that human beings tend to have a better chance for survival when they are surrounded by groups. In modern life, this might not be the case, but it was definitely the case back in earlier ages. This fact might be the reason why our brains are wired in such a way to seek bonding even if it doesn't serve any purpose. The bottom line is that if you want to enjoy a healthy psychological life, you must have people in your life. You must have notice that in the previous argument, I have used the notion of bonding rather than love. This was intentioned since I think love is different from bonding. Bonding is the link you have with other people. It is this link which makes you tending to be in contact with other persons. You might have a feeling of craving to be with someone but this is totally different from love. There are lots of factors which might affect the strength of bonding between you and some other person like sharing mutual interests, like receiving respect and understanding and lots of other factors. One of those factors might be time. Spending a considerable deal of time with a particular person works to create a bond between both of you, even if this person doesn't provide you with any other benefit. On the other hand, bonding with another person might be weakened if he hurts you or causes you to feel bad. It might even grow weaker if you spent less time together. So, bonding comes in degrees. It might be weakened or strengthened through lots of other factors. Those factors might be related to your other psychological needs or simply time.

Before dealing with love, there is another human psychological need which I should consider. It is the psychological need of having sex. Again this psychological need can be explained on evolutionary basis by the fact that having sex is essential for reproduction and guaranteeing the continuous existence of us as a species. The psychological need to have sex can be termed attraction. In our adult life, we must experience being attracted to other persons. By attraction here, I mean physical attraction. In other words, I am talking about being attracted to some other person's body. Some people might talk about being attracted to some ones else head or soul. This is not attraction; this is our psychological need for bonding mixed with other psychological needs like sharing interests or recognition and so on. By attraction I am referring to this raw animal like tendency to touch the flesh of some one else. All adults experience this psychological need, even the most conservative among us. Attraction leads to sex. Having sex with the one you are attracted to might be in the form of a true sexual experience or in the form of a fantasized one. This depends on the circumstances. Reaching satisfaction in your sexual experience, whether true or fantasized, depends on the history of your previous sexual experiences. The less sexual experience you had in the past, the more easily you can be satisfied. You might even be satisfied with imagining having a sweet tender kiss with the one you are attracted to. Having a satisfactory sexual experience, even if fantasized with sufficient frequency, leads into love.



Now, it is time to talk about love. As I have mentioned before, the road to love passes through attraction and having satisfactory sexual experiences with sufficient frequency with someone in particular. Love as aforementioned, is an exceptional phenomenal experience. It has been described in poets and songs since the rise of human languages. However, talking in a more scientific fashion, we can define love as a state in which you experience euphoria, high tendency to be with one particular person, shutting of being attracted to any other one, and tendency to have sex frequently with this particular person. In other words, when you are in love, your mind becomes entirely focused on being with the one you love and having sex frequently with this person. Again, love can be explained on evolutionary basis. Human females have a long pregnancy period. In the period, the human female body is greatly exhausted. For the human female to be able to pass through this rough period, she needs to be taken care of. In addition, baby human needs a long period of time to be able to confront life by itself. This period of time is so critical for the existence of the human species. Nature might have come up with love to ensure the cooperation between the father and the mother to ensure the survival of the newly born infant. In other words, nature has wired our brains to fall in love with the person we have sex frequently with to provide adequate circumstances for the expected offspring of this sexual relationship. After having sex frequently with a particular partner, endorphins will be automatically released in high amounts in our brain whenever we encounter this particular person. Those endorphins causes this state of addictive euphoria and it will shut off being attracted to any other one. However, nature is a fool designer. It does mistakes. Its aim is to ensure survival but not happiness of humans. Love can still kick in even if the sexual experiences you had with this other person were all fantasized, and it can still kick in even if this sex doesn't lead into any offspring. In addition, there is no survival benefit in this long term continuity of love. As a matter of fact long term continuity of this state might not be beneficial for human beings. The euphoric state of love which is only associated with being around the one you love might affect your actions for seeking other goals in your life. So, unfortunately for our romantic aspirations, love is a short lived experience. Research concluded that it persists for a period ranging between 3 months to one year, being shorter for males than females. So, is this the end for love? Is love nothing more than just a transient stage that has to end one day? Things are a little bit different than this.



As I have mentioned before, love forces you to spend more time in contact with a particular person. In addition to the time factor, there is attraction. In other words, this person is not only a person you spend lots of time in contact with but he is someone you are attracted to and possibly having sexual satisfaction with. The factors of contact, time and attraction are more than enough to create a bond of a remarkable strength. So when love is over, you still have a bond with this person. In addition, to the factors of contact, time and attraction, other factors might be present to further strengthen this bond. Such factors would include sharing, respect, understanding and so on. So by the end of love, you would still have a strong bond with this person. This bond would be most properly stronger than any other kind of bond you have with other persons around you. However, this bond is different from love. When love is gone, the euphoria associated with it is gone, attraction to other people might take place and is most properly inevitable, and the urge to spend more time with this person gets weaker. This is how things go. So whenever you feel that the old sweet emotions are gone, you have to remember that it is nobody's fault. As a matter of fact the disappearance of this crazy blind love stage is beneficial for both of you. Now, you are in a better control over your brain's chemicals and you can seek other important things in life. Fortunately, by the end of love you would have a remarkably strong bond with a significant other. This bond is so good for your psychological well being and happiness. However, this bond like any other bond might grow stronger or it might grow weaker. It can be further maintained and strengthened if the bonded persons formed a committed relationship with each other. On the other hand, it can grow weaker if this bond started to hurt the two bonded persons. As a matter fact a remarkably strong bond can easily turn into a source of pain to the people involved. There are various reasons why a bond with someone might hurt you. First there is jealousy. Jealousy is a normal emotion that rises in association with bonding. The stronger the bond you have with someone, the more jealous you get at him. In normal circumstances, jealousy should be respected and the two bonded persons should avoid raising it to avoid the pain associated with it. Other reasons for pain include prevention of one of the two bonded person from achieving other psychological needs, especially self esteem and self actualization. If you are bonded with an immature person, he might easily start to control you and this can easily affect your other psychological needs. Apparently, sustaining such a strong bond is actually more difficult than sustaining weaker bonds. There are lots of possibilities for things to turn ugly and it would require high degree of maturity, and mutual work to avoid possible sources of pain.



If the two persons involves were highly mature, they would most probably enjoy a wonderful bond. They would enjoy a remarkably strong bond which satisfies the psychological need on bonding to others and they won't suffer any kind of pain due to this special bond. The reason why this would be the case is that highly mature persons are emotionally independent. They don't depend on other people to satisfy any other psychological need except for that of bonding itself. They don't need appreciation to feel self esteem, and they don't need support to achieve self actualization. They don't need them but yet they can give it and have it but it is not essential. So such great things like appreciation, sharing and support can be entertained but they will never raise pain if they were absent



However, such perfect highly mature individuals are so rare, if they exist at all. All of us have a certain degree of emotional dependence. We depend on others in satisfying our psychological needs. All of us are not all the time understanding and having an open mind. That's why a strong bond can easily slip into a remarkable source of pain. The only hope in such a case for this bond to go on is through having a well organized relationship. A relationship that would involve the features of; sharing, support, appreciation, intimacy, honesty, commitment, forgiveness, communication, equality, and persistence. It is definitely difficult to construct a perfect relationship. That's why maintaining a relationship requires lots of work. However, you should always remember that the reason you have for keeping a relationship is to enjoy the chance of satisfying you bonding needs to a level higher than usual. The reason why you should brake up a relationship is if it started to cause you a significant pain that prevents you from functioning properly in achieving other needs in life.